Damn. It has just occurred to me that i've been walking around hurt AF. Who can relate? I mean hurt without even realizing that I'm hurting. I guess disappointment after disappointment can take it's toll on you. Pretty and made up on the outside, but broken on the inside. Trying to keep it together and stay strong- but I'm realizing it's important to acknowledge and embrace all feelings.
"Done with these niggas,
I don't love these niggas,
I dust off these niggas,
Do it for fun."
~ Love Galore, by SZA
That's the hurt bae anthem for ladies. The ones so tired of having guys waste their time, energy, and emotions that they just go numb. Prematurely cutting off men for every little tiny thing they do to avoid getting hurt. I didn't realize how much I had been affected by this broken mentality until I heard how dumb I sounded explaining to a friend why I had stopped talking to a guy I had went on an amazing date with. I'm so use to being let down, that I LOOK for the first reason why or mistake a person makes as validation to cut them off. It's my defense mechanism.
Damn, does that make me scared bae? Well, the reality is- nobody in this world is perfect and people will make mistakes. Humans will let you down, and that is just a fact of life that has to be accepted.
I will say that I have met my fair share of men who have also been hurt baes. So scared to let their guard down and open up to a woman that they'd rather put up a cold front and play games. Playing games is a form of a protection mechanism. It allows someone to feel in control. Mind control is a dangerous weapon.
It's a hurting and broken world- and you have to remember hurt people hurt people. That is why it is so important to take time to heal from the inside out, and not from the outside in. Acknowledge pain. Become vulnerable. Analyze your life's HIStory to better understand yourself. Each of us have our own story. It is OKAY.
I know it's scary to consciously make an effort to make yourself vulnerable- but what fun is the world with a bunch of hurt baes walking around?
"Millennial Generation: born between 1982-2000; often associated with technology and social media; known to postpone typical adult rights of passage such as getting married, starting a career, and moving out of their parents house."
Hmmm sounds kind of harsh but I have to admit its true. Millennials are the only generation that will live to see life before and after advanced technology. With this great change has come many positives and negatives. Positives being that social media and technology enables us to connect on a worldwide basis with almost virtually anyone. This is especially good for business, creating relationships, and consuming information. Social media also enables you to be whoever you want in the virtual world. But is it really reality?
With so many dating apps such as Plenty of Fish (POF), Soul Swipe, Tinder, and even social sites such as Instagram and Facebook- who really has to meet in person initially anymore? After a quick scan of who a person appears to be through their profile and pictures- you can contact them in a DM in an instant. If the person you are talking to gets on your nerves... welp.... NEXT! With so many OPTIONS, its hard to stay committed to one. It also gets old and burns you out. We are known as the generation of not being in love (compliments of Drake), and not being able to commit. We're in the age where its only an official relationship once you and your boo post each other on your social media accounts; and where liking someones picture constitutes for flirting. #RelationshipGoals hashtags and viewing other couple's happy pictures on their "bae-cations" leaves you comparing your love life to others and feeling down in the dumps if you're single. Remember: people only show you what they want you to see.
Many great relationships and marriages have been initiated thanks to social media so it definitely is not all bad. The point is that I find so many young adults, including myself, lacking in real social skills when it comes down to cultivating and cherishing real relationships. We more so live for gratification in the virtual world instead of the real world. Going out to actually meet people in person and focus on reality without snap-chatting, taking IG selfies, and texting while on a date is very challenging now a days. I'm embracing the art of looking up from my phone, being authentically me, and not comparing myself to others. Balance between the two worlds is key.
Which do you prefer- meeting people through online dating or in person?
I see so many women chasing after men that simply just don't want them. "Delusional Debbie" is what they're called. Believe it or not, I use to be a Delusional Debbie. The ironic thing was, it was over men that at one point did like or pursue me. I just couldn't grasp the fact that things had changed. Two men in particular in my past.
The first was an old boyfriend. He had always been there for me and I thought he always would. We had gone back and forth for years. To my surprise, during one of our many "breaks," he met someone else he began to pursue. Instead of leaving me alone, he must've figured, "hey I'll just have the best of both worlds." He told me a bunch of sweet nothings and gave me a false hope of our future. He still wanted to see me, sleep with me, and contact me on his time. Wow, me the side chick now? I just could not wrap my head around the fact. I can't fully place the blame on him though because I allowed it for a small time. In my mind, he was still mine and I knew that he loved me and wanted to be with me. This girl must've tricked him into a relationship- as he told me. He is leaving as soon as he gets the chance. So I persisted in trying to be with him and took matters into my own hands. DELUSIONAL..
"I just text her, I never call. I'm still a canine at heart, I'm a dog."
At some point, we've all had those people saved in our phones who all we ever do is text. They've become our "text buddies," pen pals, or as I like to call them- a waste of my precious time. For what reason do I need to spend hours of my day texting you paragraphs back and forth talking about unimportant matters like what you ate for breakfast and how today is yet another Wednesday? The last time I actually had a real pen pal was in elementary school for the purpose of learning how to write. I'm a grown ass woman now. I know how to speak, and more importantly I know my worth, and how valuable my time is.
Before I was mature, constantly texting use to be fun to me and something to do when I was bored. Now, I'd much rather be productive in that time. I value a man who takes the time to give me a call every now and then, consistently takes me on dates, and makes an effort to get to know me. A text here and there to check on me or to have slight conversations is never a problem- but if ALL you do is text me.... Buh-bye.
If all a man ever does is text you all day long, best believe he is spending his real time elsewhere. Probably with his girlfriend, or texting and hanging out with a bunch of other girls he's interested in. You are not a priority, and you are most likely not the only one either. For as long as you allow this to continue- you will probably never be.
At the end of the day if you really think about it, what are you gaining? What are you losing? Nothing. So why waist your precious time on someone you are never going to be able to grow with because they don't see your value? Keep it moving hunny!